Those Infernal Mood Swings!
by Guardian of Ice
Summary: Bulma's pregnant with Bra, and Vegeta's stuck with her and all the side effects of the pregnancy. Bulma on drugs? Vegeta high on caffeine? Trunks in a bunny suit? What other sort of chaos will ensue! Chapter 10 now up!
1. The Good News?

Those Infernal Mood Swings!   
  
A/B- This is a crazy idea I got while very bored and very sick. It takes place during the nine months that Bulma is pregnant with Bra. Semi A/U, and it'll just be ideas that flow from my..er...fingers. But anyways, this is my first B/V type fic, so please R and R and tell me what you think.  
  
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It all started with those cursed three words.  
  
He'd heard them before from her, in the bearing of his first son. Of course, he'd put them behind him as a thing of the past; never to be heard again.   
  
Of course, he was wrong.  
  
"Vegeta...I'm pregnant. "  
  
The warmth in his lap from the eggs that had dropped out of his mouth was hardly noticed as the Saiyan no Ouji's eyes bugged. For a moment, one might even swear his hair got a little spikier. Bulma bit into her lower lip, folding her arms behind her nervously and shifting uncomfortably in the silence that blanketed the room. She stared hard at Vegeta, urging him with her eyes to say something rather than sit there and look like a dying fish, fork frozen in midair.  
  
His lips began to motor, but no sound came out. Bulma sighed, and lifted a hand to her face, rubbing her temples.  
  
"That's what I thought you'd say. "  
  
Vegeta blinked at this, something in his mind clicking and dragging him back to reality. Being the prince of all saiyans, it was in his nature to defend his pride and whatnot from anything, verbal or physical. And his onna had simply assumed that she knew his reaction to the fact that she would bear young again? Certainly not. He forced a smirk over his scrambled egg-crusted lips.  
  
"Excellent. Another son to train. Should be interesting to watch Trunks and the brat spar. "  
  
Now it was Bulma's turn to smirk. Unbeknownst to Vegeta, she was three months pregnant. His ability to notice this was of course hindered by the fact that he had been training Trunks night and day, day and night until the poor boy could barely move even his eyelids. Then Vegeta would kick him out of the gravity room and continue training by himself, until the need for food arose. Then with the thundering cry of "WOMAN! FOOD. NOW.", he would emerge. But he hardly took note of much else.   
  
Vegeta arched a brow at the smirk that spread across Bulma's face, at the same time noticing the little pile of eggs that lay in his lap. He mentally cursed himself, but kept his cool attitude, resting one elbow on the table.  
  
"And what is THAT look for, woman..?"  
  
Bulma smiled matter-of-factly, held up one finger, and turned for the living room. Vegeta blinked upon hearing the rustling of bags and boxes before she returned, holding a bag that was from some women's and children's clothing store. Resting one hand on one jeans-clad hip, Bulma waved the bag at Vegeta, who growled and snatched at it, pulling it open.  
  
"What..is...THIS?!"  
  
He blinked stupidly, and pulled out a frilly red thing that looked like a tu-tu for some freakishly porn-oriented ballerina. He dangled it in front of his face, and cocked a brow at Bulma, who shook her head and pointed to the bag again, running a hand through her hair and grinning proudly.  
  
Too busy glaring at Bulma's sly-ness to look down, he stuffed his hand back into the bag and dug around, until his hand brushed against fabric. He yanked it out, and his eyes bulged and he gasped, holding the thing as far away from him as he could without dropping it onto the table and into his breakfast.  
  
In his hand was a little pink dress, that looked only big enough to fit an infant, with little floral patterns and teddy bears and butterflies and all little things femenine stitched into it. Vegeta slowly raised his aching and bugging eyes to Bulma who simply nodded, that little triumphant grin still upon her face.  
  
Trunks conveniently chose this time to come bounding down the stairs and leap onto his mother, who nearly topped backwards with the weight. Oomphing, she slid her arms around her son in a tight embrace before setting him down and ruffling his lavender hair. Glancing up at Vegeta, who was still staring dumbly at the little pink dress, she sighed.  
  
Putting on her 'Mommy' smile, she lowered her gaze to Trunks and lightly took one of his hands. She gently placed it upon her stomach, leaving him blinking.  
  
"Trunks, honey... I have something to tell you..."  
  
"Oh, no! Mom, are you dying?! Do you need me to get the dragonballs?!" His eyes were wide with childish fright, and Bulma shook her head and chuckled, resting her other hand atop his head.  
  
"No, no! Nothing like that. Trunks... You're going to be a big brother...!"  
  
Trunks blinked, then a big grin formed over his face and he leapt into the air joyously. He ran around his mother in circles, examining her all over before stopping in front of her and lightly poking her stomach.  
  
"Whatcha gonna name 'im, huh, 'kaasan?" His blue eyes were wide with curiosity.  
  
"Well, Trunks," she started, glancing at Vegeta again, who was beginning to pale a bit over there, STILL staring at the dress that he held in front of him, "HER name will be Bra. "  
  
With that, Vegeta fell face first into the rest of his eggs.  
  
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A/N: Well, there's the first chapter. Please please review and tell me what you think... 


	2. Disgraceful Names and Pink Bunny Suits

Those Infernal Mood Swings! - Chapter Two: Disgraceful Names and Pink Bunny Suits  
  
A/N: DAAAAMN! I didn't expect to get so many reviews so fast! I got out of the shower and came back to check reviews and POUF. Lotsa reviews. Anyways, I suppose I'd best get on with it. But please DO review this chapter, too. :: Big stupid cheesy grin type thing. ::  
By the way, I know the chapters seem a bit short, but I'm trying to lengthen them as I go. Bear with me.   
  
Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I don't own DBZ or any part therein. But a girl can dream, right..?  
  
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Vegeta stood under the steady stream of hot water in the shower, letting it run down all over his toned and muscular form. His head tilted back and his eyes locked onto the ceiling, and he wondered to himself if they would be permanently bugged out from the shock of the news he had received that morning.  
  
Trunks had completely LOVED the idea of a baby sister, jumping around like some kind of total idiot, and Bulma just stood there with arms folded and a grin over her face. Of course, Vegeta had missed all of this, being unconscious in his bed of eggs..  
  
"This is utterly ridiculous! So the onna's having a female child. What's the difference..?"  
  
Vegeta knew these were basically just empty words of condolence, uttered to no one but the ceiling tiles that he stared at. But he KNEW the difference. While he'd only have to deal with legos, training injuries, girls, cars, and late-night parties (which he was absolutely sure he could control) with Trunks, there'd be stuffed animals and makeup and crying and hairspray and boyfriends and that monthly thing (in which women all avoided men like the plague) with a girl.   
  
Then, he remembered.   
  
His eyes narrowed, and he nodded to himself as if it were some closing statement before turning off the shower and stepping out, grabbing his towel and wrapping it around his waist. Not even bothering to dry off, he stalked downstairs and into the living room.  
  
"WOMAN! Come he-Dear GOD!"   
  
His eyes bugged for what seemed the umpteenth time that day, and his jaw dropped to the point where it was almost numb. Standing in the living room with a big grin on her face was Bulma, and in front of her was Trunks. Normal enough, right..?  
  
If you didn't count the fact that he was wearing a little pink bunny costume, ears drooping over his face and tail fluffered up in back. Trunks stared helplessly at his father, eyes teary and wide, while Bulma turned to Vegeta, opening her mouth to ask what he thought.  
  
"Doesn't he look absowutewy pweshus?!" She beamed, clapping her hands like some kind of a fruitcake and wiping away a nonexistant tear.  
  
Vegeta's left eye twitched, the other bugging so far it nearly sagged onto his cheek.  
  
"What...the..HELL..have you done to my poor son..?!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, both of the ears on the costume Trunks wore flying back and his eyes going wide. Bulma blinked, her chipper demeanor vanishing and her lower lip sticking out and trembling. Vegeta knew what this meant..  
  
Tears spilled over her cheeks and her eyes got big and puffy, her hands clasping in front of her. She sniffed and spoke softly.  
  
"Gee, Vegeta.. I was only trying to make you happy... He just looked so...cute.." With the last word she began to wail, and Vegeta and Trunks both had to clap their hands over their ears to keep their eardrums from bursting.  
  
"ENOUGH!" He yelled over her sobbing and whining, opening one eye in time to see her chew on her lower lip and stare at him like some kind of a hurt puppy. He blinked curiously, never knowing the onna to be like this.. Normally, she would have chewed his head off....  
  
Deciding that this would be the perfect opportunity to bring up what had been bothering him in the first place, he cleared his throat and lifted his chin, folding his arms over his chest.  
  
"Now, woman," he began, glancing down his nose at her," I heard you mention a name for our... daughter.. earlier." He cocked a brow as he waited for a response, and upon seeing a nod from her, he continued.  
  
"I'm just going to be blunt with you: I REFUSE to name my daughter after a variety of women's underwear! It's a disgrace to the saiyan race!"   
  
With each word uttered, Bulma's unhappy disposition seemed to only get unhappier. But in a different way. Her eyes glinted and for a moment, Vegeta sweared they turned red. Her fists clenched at her sides and her nostrils flared, and she leaned forward glaring knives and daggers at Vegeta. Meanwhile, Trunks casually scooted away from his mother, toward the couch, and once he was out of reach, he leapt behind it, peering over the side.  
  
Bulma stalked forward, and pushed her face in close to Vegeta's, leaving him blinking.  
  
"You listen here, buster! I have to CARRY this child around for nine WHOLE MONTHS in my stomach! I have to deal with morning sickness, labor pains, and then at the end of nine months, do you know what happens?!"  
  
Vegeta was silent.  
  
"I SAID DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS?!"   
  
Vegeta grimaced slightly, and shook his head.  
  
"I get to pass the baby through my-"  
  
Trunks gasped, and Bulma blinked, as though snapping out of some kind of daze. She opened her mouth as if to say something, and Vegeta opened one eye, blinking at her. For a moment, everyone was quiet, staring stupidly at each other, before the silence was interrupted by a whine from Trunks.  
  
"Mom, I'm hungry.." Apparently, he was unphased by all the yelling. Bulma, obviously having forgotten that she was even yelling in the first place, grabbed his hand and dragged him out the front door, kicking and struggling and still clad in pink bunny suit, while Vegeta followed after and stood on the front doorstep in his towel.  
  
Bulma took hold of Trunks's arms on the way to the air car and tried to get him to do a 'bunny dance', but he leapt into the car and hid in the back before she could get much out of him. As they drove off, Vegeta just stared, letting what had just happened sink in.  
  
Suddenly, Bulma came back in the aircar, driving in reverse and nearly bowling down a little old lady that was shuffling down the sidewalk. She stopped in front of the house, opened the glove compartment, pulled out a breathmint, and tossed it at Vegeta.  
  
"You really need one of those..!"   
  
She grinned before driving off again, and, right after the mint had bounced off his forehead, Vegeta accidentally dropped his towel, making the little old lady faint.  
  
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That was a little weird.. o__o;  
Anyways, please review and tell me what you thought! Reviews = next chapter. 


	3. TieDye Shirts, Weed, and Funky Dreams Fo...

Those Infernal Mood Swings! - Chapter Three: Tie-Dye Shirts, Weed, and Funky Dreams For All  
  
  
  
Remember kids, don't do drugs.  
  
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After picking the little old lady up and setting her on someone's lawn, out of harm's way, Vegeta retreated (towel and all) back into the house. Mumbling incoherently about bunnies and pink and dresses, he marched upstairs and into the bedroom, yanking the towel off and tossing it aside for Bulma to find later.   
  
A few minutes later he emerged from the bedroom, clothed in a pair of black slacks and a navy blue button down shirt, already having decided he'd take the day off from training. Unconsciously running a hand through naturally spiked hair, he made his way back downstairs, and flopped on the couch before switching on the tv. With a groan, he began the dreadful act of channel surfing (not one of his favorite pastimes).  
  
After a while, his eyelids grew heavy, and he leaned back, resting the remote on his stomach. The TV droned on about how you should talk to your kids about not doing drugs, and how drugs were bad for you. Vegeta smirked a little, his eyes fully closing. Soon, he was fast asleep.  
  
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A couple of hours later, Vegeta was rudely awakened by an odd smell wafting into his nostrils, and some kind of odd music ringing in his ears. He half opened one eye, and moaned out,  
  
"Woman...turn down the damned TV," before closing his eye and smacking his lips.  
  
Then, his eyes snapped back open.  
  
In the middle of the living room was Bulma, cross legged, clad in a pair of very baggy and worn-looking khakis and a particularly bright colored tie-dye t-shirt, also very baggy. Around her neck were various necklaces, such as a peace symbol, a little dove, a cross, a smiley face, a hemp style necklace, and something that Vegeta swore read STOP THE WAR in little blue beads. Her eyes were closed and she had her hands in that sterotypical-OHM-I-am-meditating-position.  
  
His mouth was too tired to drop open. He lifted a hand to his cheek and pinched it, hard, wincing at the sting. Yep. He was awake.  
  
"Great," he muttered, " my onna's a.. a.."  
  
"Peacekeeper, baby...!" Slurred Bulma, opening her eyes, which were glazed over. Vegeta craned his neck to the left, seeing a little column of white smoke rising from beside her. His eyes grew wide upon seeing a little ashtray type thing holding what appeared to be the mother of ALL doobies, and as he stared, she lifted it and took a big drag, bobbing her head to the beat of the harpsichord-type music that HAD no beat.  
  
She puffed out little smoke rings, grinning stupidly at him. He tried to keep his cool disposition, even though it seemed Bulma was too stoned to care much whether he was 'cool' or not, arching a brow and pushing himself to his feet.  
  
Bulma got to her feet at the same time (after setting down her Super Joint), and grinned to him, swaying her hips and moving her body in some kind of a dance out of some Scooby Doo episode gone horribly wrong.  
  
"Come dance with me, baby! Let's get groovy!" Her voice was a high squeal, her hair flying about her face as she moved, looking impossibly stupid.  
  
About to take a couple of steps back, Vegeta blinked, but Bulma grabbed him and spun him in ridiculous circles that made his stomach churn before he finally jerked free and stumbled to the entrance of the living room. There he stood, gaping at the dancing Bulma who was surrounded by smoke.  
  
Trunks chose this time to come meandering in, stopping right in front of his father and staring open-mouther at his gyrating mother, who was over there getting jiggy with it. Vegeta clapped one hand over Trunks's eyes, but continued to stare.  
  
"Dad! ...What's that funky smell..?"  
  
Vegeta put his other hand up and pinched Trunks's nose shut, leaving the boy squirming to get free. But since he was pressed right against Vegeta and he really didn't want his nose ripped off, he held still, but managed to utter a muffled,  
  
"Dad, what is mom DOING?! Is that weed? Weed's bad, y'know? ..since she's doing it, can I have some?"  
  
Sighing, Vegeta used the same hand that was holding Trunks's nose shut to cover his mouth, unconsciously blocking off his airways. So, he flailed and screeched and kicked, but Vegeta was too busy gaping and blinking at the grooving Bulma to notice. Of course, until Trunks STOPPED moving. Vegeta glanced down and blinked at Trunks, then simply looked back up at Bulma.  
  
"..AGH!"  
  
He let go of Trunks's face, and Trunks panted hard, toppling over. Vegeta's left eye twitched, and he shook his head, dropping the boy and turning to stalk back upstairs to seek refuge in his bedroom.  
  
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By now, it was already well past nightfall, and Vegeta was feeling the aftereffects of breathing in all of that weed-fume... He snorted in disgust, thinking to himself that there WERE no side effects. He was a saiyan prince. This human leaf would have no effect on hi-  
  
Just as he thought this, he toppled over onto the bed and into sleep, his legs hanging off the edge of the bed.  
  
~* Running running running. Gotta run from that hippie onna! Vegeta ran down that curvy white path, the only thing illuminated in the darkness that enveloped him, pressing in around him. In the background he heard that awful, chirping harpshichord-ish music, getting louder and louder and louder until it was nearly deafening, but when he clamped his hands over his ears and winced, closing his eyes, the music stopped and it was silent.  
  
He opened his eyes partway, glancing around nervously, and circling him were five heads of..Bulma?! One was mad face, with glowing red eyes; one was a sad face, with diamond tears; one was a happy face, with sharp vampire teeth; one was a horny face, with vampire teeth AND glowing red eyes; and one was the one he recognized as the moody face from that monthly thing, with big purply-ish bags beneath the eyes and sagging cheeks. All were spinning around him in painfully fast circles, his stomach churning and that music again rising in the background. Bulma's voice rose above it all, in a slurred yet smooth and taunting tone.  
  
"Grooooooovy, baby.....!"  
  
He growled and tried to shove past the spinning heads, running as fast as he could into the pitch blackness. All of a sudden, the blackness turned into flame, and his skin began to crawl. All around him were...  
  
Floating pastries?  
  
Cookies and cupcakes and cinnamon rolls, all of them so appealing to his Saiya-jin appetite. He realized that he hadn't eaten dinner before he retired and leapt at one of the delicious looking things, his stomach growling and the earth shaking beneath his feet. It threatened to give way, cracking and breaking as he leapt and flew and the pastries, for some reason unable to reach them or fly.   
  
Yowling in frustration, he made one more jump, his stomach growling loudly enough to make the ground tremble and crack open, a giant hole forming directly beneath him. Flailing his arms for something to grab onto, Vegeta screamed at the top of his lungs as he fell into the darkness of the bottomless pit. *~  
  
Sitting up sharply, Vegeta cried out in shock, body drenched with sweat. He looked around, swatting his arms at the beams of sunlight that shone through the window. After a few moments, he stopped, and took a deep breath through his nostrils, trying to calm himself.  
  
Unfortunately, it didn't work.  
  
Why?  
  
Vegeta smelled cookies.  
  
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A/N: Poor poor Veggie-chan.. T_T; How's he ever gonna cope..? Please review! 


	4. Odd Resemblances To Martha Stewart and E...

Those Infernal Mood Swings! - Chapter Four: Odd Resemblances To Martha Stewart and EVIL FUZZY THINGS  
  
A/N: I know that last chapter was more than slightly off the wall, but hey, you all seemed to like it... ^_^; Anyways, on with it. This may be a bit more off the wall than even the last one.. x__x; And sorry for the OOC-ness of everyone.. I'm workin' on it.  
  
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"Oh, no.. Don't EVEN tell me.."  
  
Vegeta moaned softly, shaking his head and letting himself fall backwards into the damp sheets. This was just NOT possible.. This whole pregnancy deal hadn't been anywhere near this bad the first time around.. Maybe the whole getting killed by Buu and then being brought back had messed with her internal..thingies.   
  
Groping blindly for the pillow next to him, he pulled it over his face, trying to ignore the mouth watering aroma that was making his stomach growl on perhaps three different tones. He didn't even want to KNOW what the crazy onna was doing this time; perhaps downstairs.. baking in the nude?  
  
The pillow went flying across the room and he was on his feet like a shot, taking a couple of wobbly steps before righting himself and starting down the stairs, stomach still belting out those notes like a Catholic choir girl. [ A/N: No offense to any of those out there.. ^^; ] As he reached the middle of the staircase, he found himself having to grip the banister to keep from falling face first down the stairs.  
  
Standing in the middle of the kitchen was Bulma, apron-clad and cheesy-grin laden, speaking in a semi-monotonous voice to a videocamera that was filming her as she stirred a large bowl of batter. She was surrounded by cookie sheets covered with gooey, moist, and chewy chocolate chip cookies, each heavenly-scented one steaming and calling out to him.   
  
After several minutes of staring and drooling (within which a large wet spot had appeared on the floor), Vegeta finally managed to pry his eyes away from the delicious looking treats and get them to focus on the horrendous thing that had plopped itself down upon Bulma's head. It looked like a blond 'possum had crawled onto her head, had a seizure, and died, all tangled up and frazzled looking.. But, it still looked dangerous..  
  
He folded his arms, glaring at it in hopes that it might get the picture and kindly get OFF his mate's head, but still it sat, practically staring at him.. This whole ordeal was beginning to creep him out.. Hearing a little yawn from behind him, he jumped, and glanced nonchalantly over his shoulder, arching a brow as Trunks stepped up next to him. Rubbing his eyes and blinking at his mother, he took a couple of wary steps closer, jaw dropping as he took in the glorious sight of the Holy Grail of Cookies.  
  
Vegeta shook his head and casually slid around his son, quite familiar with that look, making his way out to the gravity room to begin the day's training. He would rather NOT have to suffer the wrath of that fuzzy thing for taking any of those cookies..  
  
On the other hand, Trunks just stood there, arms limp at his sides and head lowered slightly as he stared longingly at the piles of cookies that adorned the countertops. His little fingers itched to wrap around one, and he longed to be able to stuff it into his mouth and eat it.. Ohh, they smelled so good..  
  
But then he noticed the THING that was sitting on his mom's head. He should have KNOWN by the funny look on his dad's face when he got down here that something was amiss (besides the fact that his mother was baking and talking to a camera..) That evil-looking fuzzy thing was STARING at him, he could just feel it.. There were eyes under those masses of blond locks, and something inside him wanted to rip them out.. An instinct had kicked in: MUST SAVE MOM FROM EVIL FUZZY THING..  
  
He made his hands into claws, slowly slinking down the rest of the staircase and making his way up behind his poor, unfortunate mother and that EVIL FUZZY THING on her head. As he worked his way into a crouch and prepared to launch himself at the THING, he heard his mother click off the camera and finally stop talking. This was his chance!  
  
Just as he hurled himself through the air towards the EVIL FUZZY THING, his mother turned around to set the bowl of mix on the counter. Her eyes grew as wide as dinnerplates and she managed to duck just in time to watch her son go sailing over her head, over the low wall, over the back of the couch and into the living room, rolling out of sight with a few unhappy sounding grunts.   
  
Now it was Bulma's turn to stare blankly, pressing her palms to the edges of the countertops and pushing herself back to her feet. Searching the living room with her eyes, she reached up and pulled the wig off her head, holding it against her hip as she continued to scan the area around her for her manic son.  
  
"Trunks...? Where are you? What was THAT all about?!"  
  
Trunks peered out from behind the island counter in the middle of the kitchen. Good. His mother was looking in the opposite direction. The fuzzy thing wasn't on her head? OH GOD, IT WAS TRYING TO EAT HER HAND!  
  
"Don't worry, Mom! I'll save you!"  
  
Making a running leap, Trunks managed to snag the wig out of Bulma's hands and continue flying forwards. That is, until he ran facefirst into the wall.. He fell backwards onto his butt, clutching the evil fuzzy thing in both hands and trying to regain focus. Shaking his head a little to clear his vision, he stared hard at the thing that had attacked his poor, defenseless mother, baring his teeth and preparing to rip it to shreds.  
  
"TRUNKS! What on EARTH are you doing?! GIVE ME MY WIG!"  
  
Trunks stopped, letting the little blue ki blast that had begun to form in his hand dissipate as he turned to blink innocently at his mom.   
  
"What, mom?! I'm not gonna let it EAT you!"  
  
"........."  
  
"Mom, why are you looking at me like that....?"  
  
Bulma strode forward, glaring knives, daggers, and pipe bombs at her son. She held out her hand, the other resting firmly on her hip so that she wouldn't use it to fwap Trunks upside the head. Trunks shook his head and tried to hide the fuzzy thing behind him, doing his best to give her the Anime Wobbly-Teary Eyes.  
  
"If you don't give it to me, I won't feed you.."  
  
Trunks just blinked.  
  
"...for a whole week."  
  
Now he DID make the Anime Wobbly-Teary Eyes, and slowly placed the wig in his mother's outstretched hand, sniffling and clinging to one of her legs.   
  
"But..but mom..I want cookies..and.."  
  
Bulma sighed, and waved her other hand towards a plate of cookies that was sitting on the table in the middle of the living room, having not yet been noticed due to Trunks's antics. He detatched himself from her leg and scooted over to them, immediately beginning to shovel cookies into his wide open mouth.  
  
"Mmn... cookiefh.."  
  
Bulma smirked and shook her head, turning and carrying the tangled mass of wig back into the kitchen and plopping it back on her head. Stuffing her bluish locks under it and trying to smooth the poofy-ness of the false blond hair, she glanced down to the Martha Stewart recipe book. All of this baking and the wig deal tied into the fact that she HAD to win the Martha Stewart Look-alikes Contest. She had to BE Martha!  
  
Clenching her fists and nodding determinedly at the thought, Bulma flicked the camera back on, and once that cheesy grin had reappeared, she picked up the bowl of mix and began to talk again.   
  
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For DAYS Bulma baked and cooked and slaved away in the kitchen, talking incessantly to that little camera and filling the entire neighborhood with the tantalizing aroma of good food.  
  
One day, it was cupcakes. Then it was more cookies. Then it was chicken, followed by steak and potroast and potatoes and OHH... It was enough to make anyone go crazy.  
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Two weeks of good food and full stomachs later, Trunks and Vegeta began to (despite the fact that they loved the SCRUMPTIOUS cooking) become a little bit frightened by Bulma and her Martha Stewart-y self. They could avoid her a lot less because of their Saiya-jin stomachs making them stick around the kitchen all the time, and that monotone voice DID get rather annoying..  
  
One night after a particularly good meal of chicken and veggies, Vegeta decided to try and talk to the hard-working Bulma. By now all of those cookies had been eaten and the pans cleared away, and there was room on the countertops for all of the recipe books that Bulma was stacking on them.  
  
Vegeta leaned against the doorframe, trying to ignore the odd feeling rising in the pit of his stomach... A sort of dull ache that made his mouth dry and his knees kind of weak. He blinked at Bulma, who was staring open-mouthed at a cookbook.. Damn, that ache was getting stronger..  
  
"Woman, we need to talk."  
  
Stupid stupid stomachache.. He shifted a bit, waiting for a response from her. But she just stood there, lifting a hand to her mouth and blinking at the cookbook as though she had done something very wrong. Finally she glanced up, and, making sure to put the island countertop between he and herself, smiled nervously. She looked pale.  
  
"Err... Hi, Vegeta... Are you.. ermn.. feeling okay..?"  
  
She hadn't asked this because of his appearance. He could just tell by that look on her face that she had done SOMETHING wrong, and GOD DAMNIT his stomach hurt! He forced himself to look normal, though, arching a quizzical brow at her and blinking.  
  
"Why, whatever do you mean..?"  
  
"Well, see..uhm..."  
  
She stammered, now finally beginning to see his face pale and his eyelids grow heavy. Suddenly, he blinked, held up one finger, and made a full out run for the bathroom. Comic barfing noises ensued, and Bulma sighed, shaking her head and speaking more to herself than anyone.  
  
"Great.. Just what I need..  
  
...  
  
Saiya-jins with food poisoning.."  
  
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No, she didn't actually POISON them. If you're a semi-intelligent person, you know what that means. If not, well, then... you suck. ^_^; Sorry for the long update.. Been depressed. 


	5. Food Poisoning Just Plain Sucks

Those Infernal Mood Swings! - Chapter Five: Food Poisoning Just Plain Sucks  
  
A/N: I am SOOOOO sorry for the long update.. Please don't hate me. o_o;;; FF.net apparently really didn't like meh Laby outtakes (although a bunch of readers did) and deleted them, as well as made it so I couldn't upload for a week. This added to the writer's block and made it a big mess. So, here's the next chapter, after almost a month... x__x;;; And there may be some slight Vegeta OOC-ness in here, so look out. And hey, maybe even a teeny weeny bit of romance! Well.. Sort of. O_o;  
  
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"Ughhhhhhhh.....Womannnnnn!"  
  
Groaned a VERY unhappy Vegeta, eyes glazed with both anger and from the feeling in his stomach as he pressed his cheek against the cool porcelain of the toilet in the bedroom/bathroom. This really sucked. And it was all that BAKA ONNA's fault, actually attempting to cook... Bah.. He snorted a bit, lifting his swimming head from the toilet seat and swearing eternal damnation on both Bulma and Martha Stewart, before another wave of dizziness took him and he had to put his head back down.  
  
**  
In the bathroom down the hallway was Bulma, bent over a sniffling and whining Trunks. Upon hearing Vegeta's hoarse bellow, she groaned a bit herself, running a hand through her son's hair. She REALLY was not in the mood to deal with both a sick Trunks AND Vegeta. Now that she thought about it, her own stomach hurt a little..  
  
Trunks moaned, and his cheeks puffed out almost comically as he prepared to heave again, leaning over the toilet and gripping the sides of the seat with his hands so hard that his knuckles were white. 'I'm surprised he doesn't break the seat with a grip like that,' she thought, chewing on her lower lip in deep thought. Sighing, she grabbed one of the washcloths from the sink, and ran cool water over it. After it was fully soaked, she wrung it out, and turned for the bedroom, putting a determined look on her face.  
  
It was time to face the beast.  
**  
  
Vegeta's moans and groans of what could only be overexaggerated agony rang in Bulma's ears as she crept up behind him, reaching out to put a hand on his shoulder. For some reason, the state of his hair seemed to show his emotions. Say, if it drooped a little, he was unhappy or sick; or if it stood ramrod straight, he was really happy. Or if it was really really spiky and went in more directions than usual (which really didn't seem possible, but it had happened before), then he was really angry. So, Bulma could tell by the sagging tips of his hair that Vegeta was sick, but his whining and carrying on was just a little too much.  
  
She smirked, drawing back her hand and resting it on her hip. The other, with the washcloth in it, rested limply at her side, a couple of droplets of water falling to the floor every now and then. For what must have been a good three minutes, Bulma stood there in silence, with each second getting more annoyed. She KNEW he knew she was there. He was a Saiya-jin, he had that whole sensing ability, along with that weird ultra-supersonic hearing. And she had this interesting urge to do something really mean to him.. But, no.. He was sick, she shouldn't..  
  
But the longer she stood there without being acknowledged, the more annoyed she became, her fingers flexing around the washcloth. Suddenly, she heard a noise out of Vegeta.  
  
"*Snore*.. Kakkarot..I will...defeat you... *snore.* ....But first... would you like... more tea?"  
  
Bulma's left eye twitched. Finally, she made up her mind about whether or not to be mean to Vegeta. Since he was bent over the toilet with his butt pointed at the door, she knew EXACTLY how to get his attention. Slowly twisting the wet washcloth between her hands, she smirked to herself, glancing back and forth between Vegeta and the now rolled washcloth.  
  
Pulling her arm back as if she were going to throw a frisbee, Bulma gritted her teeth and let her right arm fly forward as hard as she could, the wet washcloth snapping the sleeping Vegeta right on his sensitive bum.   
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"  
  
Vegeta howled, leaping to his feet as though he'd been shot. His hands flying back and clapping over his stinging arse, he whirled to face.. BULMA?! His eyes grew wide, glittering dangerously as he continued to hop from one foot to the other, stomachache momentarily forgotten.  
  
Bulma just grinned proudly, twirling the washcloth between her index and middle fingers.  
  
"Oops. It slipped."  
  
Vegeta looked like he was about to pounce her and tear her throat out, his fingers hooking into claws. But, then, his face paled again and he turned back to the toilet, the sounds of what may have been yesterday's lunch spilling into the toilet echoing through the bathroom. Bulma sighed, shaking her head, and tossed the washcloth at his back as she walked out.  
  
Choosing to ignore the sounds of Vegeta's wretching and further moaning, she headed back down the hall to the other bathroom. She found herself smiling as she saw Trunks asleep against the toilet bowl, quite a bit more cute than Vegeta, with a thin line of saliva running from the corner of his mouth. Sliding her arms around him, she gently lifted him, and doing her best not to wake him, carried him to his room.  
  
After tucking him in and making sure he was still asleep (with a bucket within reach), she decided she'd better check on Vegeta again, just for good measure. It had gotten quiet in there.. She slunk back down the hall on tiptoe, and pushed open the bedroom door. Well, he wasn't on the bed, so he was still in the bathroom. Hmn.. She began to slowly walk across the room, towards the bathroom, for some odd reason feeling guilty about snapping him with the washcloth... After all, he WAS sick, and it WAS her fault..   
  
"Stupid mood swings.." she mumbled, pushing open the bathroom door. The unhappy look on her face was quickly replaced by a small smile when she was the way Vegeta was lying, flat on his back. He had fallen asleep again, and was just sprawled out, looking quite comfortable on the little carpeted area that surrounded just the toilet. Bulma sighed, and shook her head. Sometimes, she couldn't help but love the big moron..She slowly knelt next to him, trying to slide an arm under him so she could lift him.  
  
"Mmf..Kami, Vegeta, you need to lose some weight..." she hissed at him, pulling him into a sitting position and after a few minutes of struggling and almost ending up facefirst in the toilet, to a standing one. She smiled again, proud of herself thusfar, and slid his arm around her shoulder. Now for the really hard part: getting him all the way across the room and to the bed.  
  
She gritted her teeth determinedly and nodded her head, taking a couple of steps and pretty much dragging poor Vegeta along behind her. This really wasn't so hard! She continued, blinking a little as she felt a bit of moisture of her shoulder, where Vegeta's head was resting. Ignoring it, she dragged him the rest of the way to the bed, and lay him down. Then, she took the time to glance at her shoulder, which was wet with Vegeta's saliva.  
  
(Insert eye twitch here.)  
  
She sighed, and shook her head again, flopping on the bed next to him. She was exhausted. This whole ordeal called for some heavy duty shopping... She'd call Chi-Chi as soon as the two guys were feeling better, and drag them along.. After all, she'd need someone to carry the bags..  
  
She grinned to herself, and glanced to the sleeping Vegeta, who looked quite peaceful now that he didn't have his head smushed against cold tile. He murmured softly, shifting in what appeared to be an uncomfortable manner, and sighed. When his thumb found it's way into his mouth, Bulma couldn't help but smile again, leaning towards him and brushing her lips over his forehead. As she nestled her head back into the pillow next to him, thinking that right now it couldn't get any better, Vegeta mumbled.  
  
"..Kakkarot...would you like... one lump, or two...?"  
  
***  
Two days later, the two Saiya-jins were back to normal. Vegeta was his old 'I've-got-a-big-sharp-stick-up-my-ass-so-don't-mess-with-me-' self, and Trunks was bouncing off the walls on his usual sugar high. All was well in the Briefs household.   
  
Well, pretty much..  
  
Vegeta was positively petrified about the shopping thing. He hated it. It ruined his image as a Saiya-jin, and, well, as a male! He sat on the couch, arms folded, looking like a three year old that didn't want to go to bed when his mother told him to. He glared at anyone that came into the room, and when Chi-Chi honked the horn from the driveway, Vegeta looked absolutely terrified. Bulma had to drag him to the aircar, whereas Trunks just walked out and hopped in.  
  
After stuffing Vegeta in the backseat, Bulma slid into the front, and immediately began talking with Chi-Chi. You know how squirrels sound, when they chitter at you from trees? That's what their conversation sounded like to Vegeta. He blinked a few times, then began clawing like an idiot at the window, wanting out. Trunks stared at his father, then shook his head. He tugged a paper sack out of nowhere, and pulled it over his head.   
  
"Oh, Father.."[ A/N: Can anyone tell me what cartoon that's from? Yes, I know, I have no life. Eat my cat with a spoon. ^___^ ]  
  
Finally, they pulled up at the mall. Vegeta's eyes got REALLY big, and he tried (to no avail) to stuff himself under one of the seats in hopes he might be forgotten and left in the car. But, no, he was grabbed by an arm and hauled out of the car by Bulma, who suddenly had super-strength. She and Chi-Chi did that "HOORAY-WE'RE-GONNA-SHOP!" power walk all the way to the ominous looking double doors of the mall, dragging a thrashing Vegeta the whole way.   
  
Vegeta begged passersby to help him, but they just ignored him, walking by and minding their own business. As the automatic doors swung open, Vegeta realized that it was too late... He was gonna have to go shopping.  
  
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A/N: Mwaha. o_o;Well, phu. I know it may SEEM dumb, but whoever gets that thingy about what cartoon that came from gets to be in next chappy. BUT, you gotta tell me if you're a guy or a girl, just in case. It'll tie in. x__x; Okay, I love you guys. =D Baii! 


	6. Catfights and Caffeine! Just Too Much Fo...

Those Infernal Mood Swings! - Chapter Six: Catfights and Caffeine - Just too much for poor Vegeta!  
  
A/N: Neehee.... LONG update, but I think it may be well worth it.. Loong chaaapterr... More OOC-ness up ahead... But hey, you never know, this may be what happened if you paired Veggie up with- wait, I can't tell you that!! You hafta REAAADDD it. :P! And in case no one else guessed, the "Oh, father" thing was from the Sylvester and son cartoons.... Y'know, where the kitten'd put a paper bag over his head...? Ah, NOW I hear wheels turning... ^-^  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Nononononononononononononononono........ Of all things, please please not this....!" Moaned Vegeta, being dragged along by his hair into the unholy realm of Female Wonder (the mall). Completely ignoring his pleas for mercy, Chi-Chi and Bulma strode onward, making a beeline for the closest store to them. Unfortunately for Vegeta, that just so happened to be a Victoria's Secret store, complete with posters of scantily clad women and mannequins with bras and panties that not even porno stars would touch strapped to them inside the display cases.  
  
Vegeta's eyes got VERY wide. This wasn't going to look good; a full blooded SAIYA-JIN PRINCE going into a WOMEN'S UNDERGARMENT MARKET and parading around like some kind of a fruitcake on that white powder that he'd often seen Yamcha's little cat friend use. Finally being released from Bulma's vice-grip as they reached the dark-looking door, Vegeta scooted away from the determined shoppers and made as if to run for his life. This only earned him the patented Death Glare from not one but both of the women, and he stopped dead in his tracks, let his shoulders slump, and marched in after them.  
  
- I don't know who this Victoria woman is... But I don't think she's kept her 'secret' very well...- Vegeta thought sourly to himself, keeping his eyes on the floor and trying NOT to look at the heavy woman to his left who was looking at lingerie. The woman looked like she weighed maybe... FOUR HUNDRED POUNDS..... and she was holding up a pair of A-cup bras and debating (aloud) whether or not she wanted to try on the black one or the lacy red one. Vegeta thought he was going to be sick.  
  
He blinked, realizing that in the past five minutes and thirty seconds he had not been in any way, shape, or form irritated by his brat offspring, and began turning in little circles in an attempt to find him. No luck, though, and he jabbed Bulma in the back with a finger, raising an eyebrow when she turned her Death Glare beams on him again.  
  
"Where's the brat, woman?" he questioned, with twice his usual arrogance (only an attempt to hinder the Death beams that were beginning to make him very nervous.) Suddenly, her eyes returned to normal, and she blinked at him, responding as though his question were the dumbest thing in the world:  
  
"He's at the arcade; where else?" And as soon as she had finished the last syllable, she turned back to looking at nightwear with Chi-Chi.  
  
Vegeta was simply appalled. The BRAT got out of this torture, while he had to follow them around like a puppy? What was the point?  
  
.............(Twenty Minutes Later)...................  
  
"The point? You get to carry our bags." Chi-Chi grinned widely, thrusting a pair of bags into Vegeta's hands before he could protest; and when he opened his mouth to give her a piece of his mind, Bulma popped a breathmint into his mouth.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
About two hours worth of shopping and perfume testing later, Vegeta had pretty much had it. His eyes were watering from the overload of perfume, and if he didn't eat something soon, his stomach would eat itself and he would collapse. He trudged on behind the two women, who seemed to have a neverending supply of energy and just kept MARCHING forward and into stores (and as they exited thrusting more bags into his arms).   
  
Finally, just when Vegeta thought his legs would give out from the weight of the bags [ A/N: Yes, THAT much clothing/etc. o_o;; ], several of the bags were removed from his grasp, and set on a table. Now Vegeta could finally see where they were: in the food court. So, it seemed the two women had turned their brains ON and done something of fractional intelligence for the day.  
  
Dropping the rest of the bags on a table (much to the protest of Bulma and Chi-Chi), Vegeta flopped into one of the ugly colored chairs and stared at the different food booths longingly. Sighing defeatedly, Bulma turned and headed for the nearest one.   
  
Vegeta closed his eyes, mumbling about baka onnas and how he'd rather be stuck with his brat child and video games than this, when something was thrust under his nose. He opened his eyes, and blinked down at something brown and very sticky-looking. Coated with some kind of paste, the pastry looked like someone had sneezed on it. Vegeta raised a brow, feeling his stomach lurch.  
  
"What's THAT face for?! It's a Cinnabon!..... Don't look at me like that, either! Just try it, Vegeta! Kami, you're so immature..." Bulma went on to glare at him, watching Vegeta sniff at the cinnamon roll that was now firmly stuck to his hand. Vegeta blinked stupidly, waving his hand a little and trying to shake it off, but to no avail. Bulma just snickered, folding her arms and taking a few steps back so as not to get smacked.  
  
Finally, the Cinnabon went flying off in some random direction, and Vegeta seemed quite pleased to hear a cry from an elderly person a few tables away. Wiping his fingers on a napkin, he sighed and ran the other hand through his hair, managing to ignore the glares from numerous people that walked by. Though, one person stopped right in front of the table and blinked at Vegeta, before giving him one of "those" looks.... (you know, the ones that you see from the person that has that irritating crush on you and they just stare at you...)  
  
The young woman that was busy googling at Vegeta looked to be about seventeen or eighteen, with long brown hair and big (currently glazed over) brown eyes. Vegeta raised a brow, not so much minding the fact that he was being gawked at, but the fact that Bulma's eyes were beginning to turn a very dangerous reddish hue; death beams set on the girl.  
  
"Uhm..Heyy.....My name's Michiru. " The girl finally snapped out of it, standing back up, wiping the drool that had accumulated at the corners of her lips, and grinning at Vegeta in a flirtatious manner. All the while, Bulma's Eye Phasers were set on kill, aimed right at the girl who was currently hitting on the father of her children. Bulma began to froth. Chi-Chi, off in line at one of the food court booths, had no idea what was going on.  
  
Vegeta shifted his eyes from the cute brunette to the cute but VERY pissed off Bulma, who was hunched over and looked like she was about to pounce. The girl called Michiru continued to talk; for the moment being totally ignored by Vegeta. He smirked, the primal gleam in Bulma's eye so uncharacteristic of her recently that he couldn't help but grin.  
  
Unbeknownst to the girl, Bulma had scooted right up behind her and was pretty much breathing right down her neck. She would be able to better feel this if it were not for the bushy mane of chestnut hair that kept waving around with every painfully hyperactive movement the teenager made, the ends of her mane-like trail deciding to be bold and whapping Bulma right across the cheek. Vegeta just grinned wider.  
  
The last thing the girl named Michiru saw before she hit the ground (accompanied by the snarling Bulma) was a very unnerved-looking Vegeta. Squealing and flailing her arms, she rolled over and tried to pin Bulma to the floor, only to find nails being raked across her cheek. Finally deciding that running wasn't an option, the girl did the only thing she could think of: biting the fingers that assaulted her face. Bulma yowled and just started scratching with the other hand. Michiru, now having to squeeze her eyes shut to keep from having them gouged out, wrapped her fingers around the nearest thing and began to yank.  
  
The whole time, Vegeta just sat, dumbstruck, watching his onna and the obviously rabid fangirl who was busy trying to yank her hair out. Chi-Chi chose this time to return from the booth where she had been standing and shove her way through the crowds to see what the hell was going on. Upon seeing the two women fighting to the death, she just sighed, shook her head, and made her way to sit down by Vegeta. Vegeta, well.... Vegeta just stared at her like a dead fish.  
  
"Aren't you going to DO something?!" Vegeta demanded, looking from the fight to Chi-Chi, who was busy sipping idly from a can of soda.  
  
"Nope. She can handle it. She does this all the time." Another sip. Vegeta blinked and raised a brow.  
  
"All the time.... you mean you come here all the time?" Vegeta wasn't QUITE sure what Chi-Chi was getting at... But it was a tad disturbing..   
  
"Yes, Vegeta. We come here ALL the time." Chi-Chi just smirked at him, leaning on her elbow, and turned her head in time to see Bulma pin the brunette girl down and begin the clawing process again. Vegeta just shook his head, and sighed.   
  
"Oh, Vegeta. I brought you something." Chi-Chi lost that bored look for a moment, and held out another can of the stuff she was drinking. Vegeta just made a face at it, not one for much but strong liquor and on occasions apple juice... He'd never been able to LIVE without the stuff.  
  
"Try it, go on.. It should give you a little bit of energy for the rest of the day." Chi-Chi smiled knowingly; while Vegeta's face contorted into one of shock. They were going to do this all AFTERNOON, too?! Okay, maybe he'd NEED this stuff...  
  
Cautiously, he pulled open the tab and blinked at the label. "Jolt". Hmn. Shrugging a bit and prying his eyes from the still brawling females, he downed the stuff in one gulp.   
  
Quickly, his eyes snapped open and he slammed the can down onto the table. Twitching, he blinked and tried to regain his focus, finding that he couldn't keep still for more than 2.5 seconds straight. It felt like every CELL of his body was alive with implanted energy... But.... Not the same kind of energy needed for ki blasts, no, no... This was just raw energy; and that energy was currently making him rock side to side in his seat as if he were a little kid in a boring class at school.  
  
Lowering his head between his shoulders, Vegeta turned to stare at Chi-Chi's half empty can of Jolt with glazed eyes. He wanted more, and he wanted it now. Chi-Chi, not paying attention due to the fact that she was leaning over and watching the squealing girls, was oblivious to the hungry stares that Vegeta was giving her beverage.   
  
Reaching a shaky hand toward the almost glowing prize, Vegeta snatched it away and gulped the rest of it, slamming the can back down like a drunk in a bar and grinning at the invisible person to his left. What Vegeta didn't know was that Chi-Chi's lipstick had come off of the can and right onto his face, a very vibrant color purple smeared about his lips. But as was Chi-Chi to the thievery of her drink, Vegeta was oblivious to this, on a caffeine trip that could only lead to a very BIG headache later.  
  
Vegeta began to vibrate.  
  
In the background, Bulma stood up, dusting off her hands and grinning at the defeated wails of the teenager below her. That didn't do much for the pain in her head from where the girl had yanked her hair, of the black eye that was beginning to swell, but the thumbs up from Chi-Chi and the whistles from the surrounding crowd were enough to keep her grinning from ear to ear like an idiot.   
  
Vegeta, shaking and twitching like a crack addict on a pogo stick, leapt up from his chair, emitting a high pitched screech that shut everyone in the vicinity of the food court right up and had them staring at him. His eyes were glazed like that of a very..VERY.. mischevious child, and his fingers were clenching and unclenching at his sides. Lips were pulled back into an insane grin that made Chi-Chi scoot away and fall right out of her chair, and the purple lipstick and drool that was beginning to collect at the corners of his mouth were enough to make even Bulma grimace.  
  
Finally, Bulma gathered the courage to say to her fidgeting companion what everyone in the food court was thinking: "Vegeta....You look like an idiot."  
  
Bulma's flat tone just earned another high pitched squeal, and this one was so loud EVERYONE had to close their eyes. When they were opened, however, Vegeta was gone.   
  
No, not gone.   
  
Merely flying several feet above everyone, making what couldn't possibly be mistaken for airplane noises. Face still stretched into a Joker-esque mask, Vegeta went into dive formation and swooped down over the awestruck and murmuring crowd. People ducking and crying out like little sheep all over the place and the donut-wielding mall cops standing there looking stupid while Vegeta turned and started to fly toward a jewelry store; one thing rang out in Bulma's mind and from her mouth.  
  
"WHO THE HELL GAVE VEGETA CAFFEINE?!"  
  
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Uh-oh... What's the poor caffeine high bastard gonna do? O_O; Meeep. I'll try to update sooner, just been so damned busy... Gomen ne... u_u; 


	7. Dish Soap and Challenges! And, Help Arri...

Chapter Seven: Dish Soap and Challenges! And, Help Arrives!  
  
Heehee..... If there's a little tuuuuu much detail in here, it's because I've been latching my brain onto RE fic ideas lately. Don't hurt me, I'm just a... uhm... bunny. A techno bunny ;;-;; Be warned, I'm sleepy, it may be really... really weird. Sorry for the long update u_u  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And so the crowd stared right back at her; eyes sliding from the swirling Vegeta (who was now making figure eights as he slowly but surely headed for the jewelry store) and back to the very irritated face of Bulma. Death beams on; lock; and target. Launch failed.  
  
"Dammit! SOMEBODY help me; he's gonna go insane!"  
  
The people still stared; still lost in the shock that someone was FLYING. No less, a man covered in drool and lipstick. The cops, donuts clasped in hands, finally turned and began to head for the corridor where the store lay.  
  
Vegeta, meanwhile, landed right outside, eyes big and bloodshot. His arms were right in front of him, rigid, finger hooked into claws once more. Drool and lipstick ran down the corner of his mouth, and an uncharacteristically high-pitched giggle or two escaped his lips. As he made a few jolty, shaky steps into the store, he was greeted by the chortle of a baby.  
  
Glancing to his right, he took note in the back of his mind an infant in a stroller; drooling happily and releasing an inhuman stench from its posterior. Waddling towards it, he found that its mother was a few feet away, browsing through a rack of necklaces nonchalantly and chittering away on a cellphone. Reminded again in the back of his mind of squirrels, Vegeta twiddled his fingers and returned his attention to the squealing baby boy.  
  
Blinking at Vegeta through untainted blue eyes, the child held both his arms up and said, rather insistently, "Mama." Vegeta, jaw hanging open as though it had been broken, suddenly chirped and reached out of impulse for the reeking infant, holding him at arm's length and staring him right in the eyes.  
  
The baby took this opportunity to drool for all he was worth, and Vegeta mimicked the action, tilting his head to one side and letting the pink-tainted lipstick dribble down his chin and onto his light blue shirt. The baby, immensely pleased by this, squealed and waved his arms, grinning at his new spikey-haired friend.  
  
Getting bored after a moment and lightly plopping the child back into his stroller, Vegeta's glazed eyes caught sight of something SHINY.. Slowly turning his head, he let his eyes widen as they landed upon the jewelry rack. This was adorned with all the fake, but still expensive diamonds and gems, the fluorescent light from the display case beneath it making them gleam and glow and almost blind any passersby who wasn't either excessively used to such metallic lustre, or just plain stoned.  
  
"Abuhhh......Abbbb...vvvvhhh......abuhh.....heehee...... chinese kung fow?"  
  
All this mumbled under his breath as he picked up one necklace at a time, beamed at it, and tucked it into the baby's stroller; Vegeta seemed quite pleased when the child latched onto one of the necklaces and quieted himself by promptly gnawing upon it with his toothless gums. After perhaps the thirteenth necklace, give or take a bracelet or an earring here and there, Vegeta seemed to get bored. The woman, still chattering away on her cellphone, was completely oblivious as he lifted off the ground and out of the store, resuming his airplane noises.  
  
**  
  
"Has anyone FOUND him?! It shouldn't be THAT hard to find a flying man, you know.." Bulma glared at the mall supervisor, a round little man with little hair and a tuxedo that made him remind her of a grey penguin. Since he was blonde, he fit the look perfectly. Fingering his moustache and chuckling nervously, he elbowed the guard to his left.   
  
"Shouldn't you be HELPING the others? Go on, before I find someplace else for you to stand around. Like a parking garage. "  
  
Shifting uncomfortably before turning heel and dashing off into the food court, the scrawny-looking man weaved his way into the crowd and was gone. The chubby man turned back to Bulma and sighed, trying to keep cool.  
  
"We're doing all we can, Ms. Beefs. "  
  
"....That's BRIEFS!"  
  
**  
  
Standing atop the fountain ledge so she could see over the crowd was Chi-Chi, hands on hips and eyes narrowed. She looked like her usual warrior woman self, and when she found Vegeta, she was gonna pound the HELL out of him! Finding herself smirking with satisfaction at the thought, she dusted her hands and hopped down, apparently just in time, because just as she landed, something large and blue streaked over her head..  
  
"WHAT THE HELL?!"  
  
The only reply, leave for the gasps and curses from the other brainless mall-goers and the slight bubbling and trickling of the fountain in the background was,  
  
"WUH-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!"  
  
And out of the fountain rose Vegeta. But now, he looked normal, leave for the fact that he was soaking wet, and that he clutched a bottle of Dawn dish soap in either grimy hand. Sighing in relief, Chi-Chi hopped back up onto the fountain's edge and leaned over to Vegeta, just to make sure.  
  
"Vegeta? Vegeta! Say something, are you alright? Did you hit your head, or something? Earth to Vegeta!"  
  
Vegeta's neck slowly craned so he was looking at her. His lips slowly spread into that insane little smile again, and the twitchfest commenced. Chi-Chi stumbled backwards in surprise, Vegeta's breath reeking of.. dish soap?! Coughing a little in disgust and shock, Chi-Chi pulled her patented Frying Pan of Doom out of nowhere, swinging it over her shoulder and preparing to knock Vegeta into next week. The entire crowd giving Chi-Chi a moment of revered silence at the majesty of the great Pan, she smirked and swung, pleased with herself as she watched it crash down upon the top of his head.  
  
She held it there, wanting to grind it into his thick skull just for good measure, when she realized that Vegeta wasn't even there anymore. Blinking and looking at her prized Frying Pan, she saw the indentation in the shape of.. Prince Vegeta's hair. Cursing under her breath, Chi-Chi shook her head and simply tossed the gigantic weapon/utensil over her shoulder, flinching as she heard a random scream.  
  
"Whoops... sorry! They just don't make 'em like they used to!"  
  
Returning her attention to the location of Vegeta, she found that he was standing proudly atop the fountain, quite happily dumping both the bottles of Dawn into the fountain. Slowly but surely, the blue-dyed water began to bubble outward and upward, foaming over the edges of the first, the the second, then the third level and out towards the edges of the fountain towards the crowd. People screamed and ran away, and a few dove in, while Vegeta stood there laughing insanely, pumping one fist above his head (lemon scented Dawn bottle included).  
  
"Vegeta! You're gonna die for all this!"  
  
This was not Chi-Chi's voice, but one more familiar.. more... evil. Vegeta's head snapped towards the source, and there stood Bulma, one hand on one hip, the other pointing a finger at him accusingly as though he were a a very bad dog. Agreeing with his racing mind on the thought, Vegeta whimpered and lifted off, tossing the Dawn bottles at the ground. One of them konked the round man in the side of the head, and he simply tipped over, landing on his back somehow.   
  
"Ahhh.... help me... I.. ahh.. Can't get up! " He groped at the air, looking all too much like a turtle for his own good. Bulma snickered and turned, watching Vegeta to see where he'd go next.  
  
Now that he was atop the tall fountain, he was nearer to the second level of the mall, and out of the corner of his eye, several flashing lights caught his attention. Blinking stupidly and mumbling incoherently, he turned and drifted in that general direction, finding himself a little irritated at a little girl who shouted up at him to ask if he was the Easter Bunny.   
  
Letting his toes touch the ground outside the newly dubbed Realm of Blinking Thingies, Vegeta gaped in awe and wonder at this new dimension.. There were people delving into other worlds by staring into screens, using their hands to control things... And there in one corner, people stomping around on another blinking device and making a game out of it! Unbelievable.... Incredible... It was.... the arcade.  
  
Slowly, Vegeta put one foot through the wide open doorway. Nothing. Sniggering and drooling some more, he stepped fully through and just stood there, hunched over with arms limp, looking for all the world in the dark room like a drunk transvestite. Resuming his waddling steps, Vegeta stopped to stare over the shoulder of many gamers, his existence proven only by the odd noises he made and the drool trail he left on people's shoulders.  
  
After a while, he found himself at this so called 'Dance Dance Revolution' device, where a certain lavender haired chibi was 'showing his moves' to a large number of gaping fangirls and boys alike. Easily parting the crowd with his soaking wet clothes and his still lipstick-ey and drooley face, Vegeta was behind Trunks when he turned to greet his followers.  
  
Squealing and falling on his butt, Trunks glared up at his dad and pushed to his feet, mumbling, "Gee, dad. You really know how to kill a party.... Why're you looking at me like that? .....What, you wanna play?"  
  
A sly grin spread over Trunks' face. For, you see, at this age, there wasn't too much he could beat his father at. But this... this was another world entirely, and he knew it by the unusual glaze in Vegeta's eyes. That had to be it! He'd just challenge him.. beat him... and.. get his ass whipped later when they got home. But it'd be worth it to see the look on his face!   
  
"Okay, Dad. You wanna play, right?"  
  
Vegeta nodded, letting himself become absorbed in the machine while drooling all over himself, just adding to the moisture that had his clothes sticking to him like thumbtacks to a retarded wombat. Trunks grinned and gave a thumbs up to the people that hadn't left yet, leaning over and inserting the needed amount of tokens into the coin-hungry console. As the machine fired up and Trunks positioned his father properly on the pad, Vegeta began to do a little 'finger dance' of sorts.  
  
"Ready?"  
  
"EeeeeeeeEee...."   
  
"...Okay..... Let's do it! "  
  
The game came to life before them with a foreboding and mind wrenching shout of, "SHOW ME YOUR BEST MOVES!"  
  
*********************  
  
Elsewhere in the mall...   
  
*********************  
  
"Help me... I still can't get up.... aaahhh... "  
  
*********************  
  
Yet elsewhere..  
  
*********************  
  
"DAMMIT! Vegeta?! Where are you!?! No sex for a goddamn MONTH if you don't come out now!" Bulma knew she was pregnant and there were times that sex was bad for the baby, but any mention of the words 'no' and 'sex' in the same sentence made Vegeta powerless. Though, the rest of the mallgoers didn't seem to know this, staring open-mouthed at her as she screamed like a wild animal.  
  
Chi-Chi, on the other hand, had called in backup. Good ole' Chi-Chi, she always knew just what to do!  
  
.......................  
  
"Heya Chi'! We're here!" Goku called enthusiastically, waving and grinning through the corndog he was busy inhaling. Gohan waved sheepishly from behind his father, and Goten ran in circles around them both, obviously on the same caffeination level as Vegeta.  
  
Bulma stopped and stared.  
  
"Oh, hell. We're doomed."  
  
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Yet ELSEWHERE..  
  
*********************  
  
"I swear! I don't know how they got in there! I was on my cellphone and my baby was right there and I saw this spikey-haired weird dude, yanno, and he looked suspicious... but I didn't put them in there!" The woman chewed on her cellphone antenna frustratedly, blinking as the security guard pulled out the rest of the jewelry from beneath her still-reeking child.  
  
"Uh-huh. Tell that to the judge, ma'am. ....And for Chrissake, get this kid a diaper!"  
  
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Jesus, what have I done?! Trunks and Veggie in a DDR match? Goku, Gohan, AND Goten there to help? Oh, boy. This can only go downhill. Meepmeep. Please review, reviews = next chappie sooner. 10 more and I have 100! Yay! Help me out! (Yes, that was MEANT to be KONKED. Just... so nobody slaps me for it later. ) 


	8. I'm So Pretty, Oh So Pretty

Chapter Eight: I'm So Pretty, Oh So Pretty  
  
Whee for late updates! You'll have to forgive me for that, got totally wrapped up in school (for once). Yay for DDR-ness! Oh, and, pardon any typos you find. ^-^;  
  
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The lights on the odd, noisy machine blinked for all they were worth, lighting up Vegeta's glazed eyes as he bounced from one foot the the other like a little kid doing the 'potty dance'. Turning his head to look at the short, fuzzy-headed person next to him, he found that the boy was stomping on the machine as though angry at it, a determined look on his face. His tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth, and he clenched his fists, wondering for a moment why he didn't hear his father either falling down or cursing at the machine.  
  
Glancing over, he wrinkled his nose at Vegeta, who was happily licking the screen, his hair now looking as perky as ever from all the static electricity. As Vegeta wasn't moving his feet at all, it didn't take long for the game to scream at him, "I'LL BE WAITIN' FOR YA TO TRY AGAIN!!!," and damn near knock him flat on his ass. He blinked, tilted his head, and squeed at Trunks to see why the music had stopped.  
  
Trunks wasn't sure why his father was acting like some kind of an idiot, but, he still had an opportunity to beat him. Giving a sheepish glance to all his followers, he grabbed his father and carefully (so as not to get smacked, should he come to his senses), positioned him in the middle of the dance pad. Vegeta blinked, and clapped his hands with glee. Stopping himself from faceplanting, Trunks sighed deeply and began to explain.  
  
"See, Dad.. Look at the screen." He spoke very slowly, figuring he'd take the wild animal approach. "See those arrows? You move your foot and put it on the arrow that moves to the top of the screen right when it does, okay? Like this."  
  
Since it was a demo, he helped Vegeta, and moved his left foot to stomp on the pad. Vegeta blinked as realization slowly dawned. He jumped up and down, and after the third or fourth jump, bashed his head on the low ceiling. Giggling stupidly while little chunks of ceiling fell around him, he stared at the screen again. Trunks sweatdropped and hopped back onto his own pad, inserting enough coins into both their machines.  
  
"Are you ready, Dad?" When Trunks received a frantic head motion he decided to take as a nod, he hit both the start buttons on the console. Ignoring the moronic shouts from the machine as it bid him to pick a style and difficulty, he set it on double player, and chose his level as heavy, while his father's remained at light.  
  
Face the epitome of concentration, he searched through the songs for a medium paced one that wouldn't make his father look TOO stupid. After all, he didn't want to get whipped too badly when they got home.. So intent on finding a song, he didn't notice his father accidentally stomp on the down arrow twice, setting his level to 'heavy'.  
  
Squealing impatiently at his son to choose a song, Vegeta hopped up and down. Giving up, Trunks chose a song titled 'Twilight Zone (R-C Extended Mix)', hopping back onto his pad. The music began to blare from the large built-in speakers, and Trunks's breath caught in his throat as the arrows began to move up the screen. Starting the series of complex combos and painfull fast foot motions, he gave his father a quick glance.  
  
Vegeta's screen was filled to the brim with all the same arrows as Trunks's, and the scary thing was, Vegeta hadn't missed one yet. Almost slipping and falling off the machine in surprise, Trunks watched Vegeta out of the corner of his eye, the two matching each other move for move. Already panting from the exertion, Trunks grumbled, knowing that the song was almost over. Convinced it was a fluke, Trunks decided that the next song would be a little faster.  
  
**************************************  
  
Meanwhile..  
  
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Goku and Goten were in the food court, shouting for Vegeta and getting weird looks from passersby. Either unaware or just not caring, the two plopped down in front of a table, Goten mimicking his father when he rested his chin on the tabletop. Blinking at the full can of soda that someone had left behind, unopened, Goku picked it up to inspect it.  
  
"You thirsty, Goten?" He cocked his head at his son, who nodded delightedly. Pulling back the tab and opening the drink, Goku took a big swig (about half the can at once), and passed the can labeled 'Jolt' to Goten.  
  
Goten chugged down the rest, slamming the can down on the table, his eyes going wide.  
  
The two Saiya-jins began to vibrate.  
  
************************************  
  
Back at the arcade..  
  
************************************  
  
Okay, this was getting to be too much. On the first two songs, Vegeta had totally kicked Trunks's butt, getting an 'A' rating each time, while Trunks was reduced to 'B', because he was so dumbtstruck by Vegeta's hardcore skill.  
  
It was time to bring out the big guns. Trunks reluctantly chose the fastest song on the game, a psychotic mix of 300 beats per minute. Biting his lower lip nervously, he turned to his bouncing father, who has resumed licking the screen while he waited for Trunks to finalize his selection. Trunks knew that doing this would be pure suicide, but, if it meant defeating his father, he'd take the risk.  
  
The crowd behind them, which had grown significantly, oohed and aahed at Trunks's selection. Each of them obeying the unwritten rules of fandom, they grew silent and watched in awe as the two Saiya-jins started the song.  
  
Upupupcombocombo FASTNESS! Vegeta was stomping so hard, nearly the entire mall shook from the force. People just assumed it was nothing, just a slight tremor, and shook it off. Vegeta's feet moved so fast that they became blurs, his health meter at full, while Trunks's was almost empty. After a few more moments of stomping, one of Vegeta's feet went right through the left arrow. The crowd went insane, some in shock and some in fear of his strength. A few of the girls began to squeal.  
  
Unable to finish the song now because his foot was firmly implanted within the machine, Vegeta squeaked and blinked at Trunks, who had simply given up and was lying flat on his back on the floor, panting hard. Wrenching his foot free, Vegeta squatted next to the lavender haired boy, jabbing him in the side with a finger. Rolling his head to stare dumbly at his father, Trunks was greeted by a tongue upon his nose. Vegeta began to lick his son's face affectionately, mewling like a kitten.  
  
"Ew! Dad, what are you DOING?!" Scrambling to his feet, Trunks stared at his father in disgust and disbelief. Vegeta mewled once more, before phasing out and vanishing.  
  
************************************  
  
Meanwhile, elsewhere  
  
************************************  
  
Goku snickered, admiring himself in the mirror. This oufit was so becoming on him, a pale blue with some not-so-masculine floral designs here and there. He simply loved it! It accentuated his figure so well, and really brought out the color of his eyes.  
  
Goten drooled while his father continued to try on women's dresses, staring into space with one finger in his nose. Ignoring the grossed-out looks of the saleslady, the two uttered a high pitched cry in unison before flying out of the store, Goku still dress clad.  
  
The two drifted lazily (while pretending to swim) towards the nearest makeup store, landing outside the door and blinking in wonder. Goku sashayed in first, trying his damndest to look sexy. Women in the store quickly scrambled to get out of the insane man's way, staring at the little boy that followed, wearing only his little boxers.  
  
Plopping down into a chair before a makeup tester, Goku said matter of factly, "Make me pretty, Captain Crunch!"  
  
The awestruck blonde woman stared, stupified, as Goku leaned forward, batting his eyelashes. Deciding it would be best not to irritate the nutcase, the woman put on her most charming smile and opened her makeup case.  
  
"I think some dark blue would go so well with your skin tone, and help accentuate that color of your dress." The woman leaned forward, reluctant to get too close, and put some eyeshadow on Goku's constantly moving eyelids. Goten, nowhere in sight, was busy stuffing scarves in the doorway into his boxers.  
  
"And... ermn.. Some pale pink for your lips would do nicely!" Goku held still long enough for the woman to dab some rosy pink lipstick onto him before jumping up and declaring, "I AM THE PRETTIEST DOLPHIN ALIVE!"  
  
Goten blinked at his father. It wasn't possible! HE was the prettiest wombat, no dolphin could defeat his pretty-ness! Yowling at his father in challenge, he hooked his fingers into claws. Goku blinked stupidly, before hissing like a cat, making a mad dive for his son. The two rolled right through the railing of the balcony, falling through the air and landing back in the middle of the food court.   
  
Blinking at the soda stand they had nearly crushed, the two each grabbed a can of Jolt, opening it and chugging it down.  
  
************************************  
  
Meanwhile, in another part of the food court..  
  
************************************  
  
"I can't believe we have yet to find him.. This is riduculous!" Bulma exclaimed in exasperation, throwing up her hands. Chi-Chi nodded in agreement, glancing to her left and catching sight of a growing crowd.  
  
"Hmm.. Wonder what's going on over there.." Chi-Chi watched, seeing a pair of empty cans of Jolt go flying out from the crowd, landing a few feet in front of her. This followed by a high pitched squeal, Chi-Chi and Bulma slowly turned to look at each other, exchanging worried glances.  
  
"You don't think.."  
  
"Let's find out."  
  
The two marched forward, shoving through the crowd and making their way to the middle of the circle of onlookers. Their jaws dropped at the odd and disturbing scene before them.  
  
Goten and Goku were sitting on the floor, totally drenched with what must have been a dozen cans each of Jolt. Empty can sat all around them, and Goku proceeded to open another one, poruing it all over himself and giggling insanely.  
  
"Oh, no. God, no." Chi-Chi turned away, out of embarassment, covering her reddened face.  
  
"Great. That's just wonderful. Just what we need now. Two more Saia-jins on a caffeine high."  
  
************************************  
  
Elsewhere..  
  
************************************  
  
Vegeta was drinking out of the still bubble-filled fountain, pondering on going for a wee little swim. Diving in as though he were an Olympic swimmer, Vegeta began to swim laps around the fountain.  
  
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Yet elsewhere..  
  
************************************  
  
"Someone? Anyone? I still can't get up!"  
  
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Wow, that was random and insane. I like it! w00t! If you like it, too, lemme know. Don't like it, lemme know, too, and I shall send Subject T to slice your toes off. ^_^; 


	9. When Your Wife Is A Hornball

Chapter 9: End of Insanity and When Your Wife Is A Hornball...

A/N: Took me long enough, didn't it? Enjoy the last of the mall chapters. 

While Chi-Chi and Bulma searched frantically for the MIA Vegeta, Gohan was peacefully seated by a fountain, completely unaware of the chaos that ensued throughout the mall. His face was buried in a huge physics book, the contents of which were so boring that a man nearby had fallen asleep where he sat, and was snoring loudly. Gohan read on, though, eager to absorb knowledge like a sponge absorbs water.

Suddenly, he felt a strangely erratic power level looming over him, and he looked up to find Vegeta, floating above him and staring hungrily at his physics book. Blinking stupidly, Gohan waved timidly at the drooling Vegeta, and tried to continue reading. Vegeta, on the other hand, brought his face within inches of Gohan's shoulder, and squealed in delight. The pages had WORDS on them! Words! Fancy that!

Gohan dropped the book to cover his ears, and Vegeta took this opportunity to snatch the book out of mid-air, clutching it close and stroking it lovingly, all while mumbling to himself, "The precious.. They must not get the precious..."

Gohan turned to stare blankly at Vegeta, who was still loving on the book, and who had begun to lick the cover as if he were a mother cat washing her young (Gohan would later swear he heard Vegeta purring). Suddenly, though, Vegeta began to rip out the pages, still purring, and began stuffing them into his mouth, chewing and munching happily upon the shredded pages.

Gohan's mouth dropped open, and he nearly began to weep for the loss of his beloved book, lost to Vegeta's odd and insatiable hunger. Vegeta took no notice, and continued to consume the book like it were cookies. Gohan's shock quickly turned to annoyance, and then promptly to rage. What right did Vegeta have?!

Upon taking a moment to study Vegeta, though, Gohan quickly recognized the signs of a caffeinated Saiyan, and began to run through the procedures his mother took at home whenever Goten or even Goku got into the hidden supply of soda. The only two options he came up with were to either knock Vegeta out, or to give him the exact opposite of what he'd had… But where to find it?!

"Gohan to the rescue… again…" He mumbled, and reached over, plucking the book away from Vegeta, then giving up and tossing it over his shoulder. It bonked the sleeping man on the head and knocked him into a deeper state of unconsciousness, a little smile forming upon his lips as he was KO'd. Careful not to be seen by any mall goers, Gohan ran as fast as he could (which was indeed quite fast) in order to find what he needed, leaving Vegeta behind to mewl over the loss of his precious book.

Elsewhere, Goku and Goten had already begun to come down from their caffeine high, and were flopped down upon some of the trial couches in the middle of a large hallway, snoring loudly and drooling everywhere. Chi-Chi and Bulma, following the sound of the deafening snores, skidded to a halt next to the couches, and sighed together in relief upon seeing the two slumbering Saiyans. Deciding not to wake them so there'd be no more insanity, the two turned and headed for the downward escalator, determined to find Vegeta.

Gohan, on the other hand, had found what he needed: a bar in the mall. It was the perfect plan; all he needed was to get Vegeta to down several cans of beer and voila! No more hyperactive, annoying, book-eating Vegeta! The tricky part would be getting Vegeta to be still long enough to down anything period, let alone several large, foamy glasses of the stuff that could potentially save any and all of the mallgoers' remaining bits of sanity. Scratching his head in a Goku-esque manner, Gohan pondered for a minute, and then decided to just take the simplest route: just give a big glass of the stuff to Vegeta and see what happens. Buying the biggest glass of beer he could (and this was a mondo-sized super industrial strength glass of beer), Gohan carefully made his way back to the fountain, only to find that Vegeta had vanished once again. Hearing airplane noises, though, Gohan looked up, finding Vegeta zooming around in circles way above his head, burbling and gurgling and sounding more like an idiot than an airplane.

Flying up to meet Vegeta, Gohan smiled as widely as he could, waving a little with his free hand to get Vegeta's attention. Vegeta squealed happily and all but tackled Gohan to the floor below, nearly spilling half of the beer and sending Gohan flat on his back into the tile, even breaking most of the tile they landed on. Gohan struggled to sit up, but Vegeta was too busy nuzzling Gohan's flannel shirt to let him up, so Gohan was left to stare blankly at the ceiling and pretend none of this was happening.

Slowly, Gohan tilted Vegeta's head back with one hand, and stared straight into his eyes to keep his attention. He'd had to do this with his own father many times, and knew that Vegeta could smell his fear, so he had to carefully raise the glass, keeping as straight a face as he could, and shoved the rim of the glass against Vegeta's lips, tilting the glass and watching the amber liquid run down Vegeta's throat and all over his face. Luckily for him, though, most of it made it into his mouth, and within moments, Vegeta's eyes re-glazed themselves, and he hiccupped and went slack, spread-eagle over Gohan's body.

Gohan, mortified, quickly pulled Vegeta to his feet, only to find that he had become very heavy, and that his breath now reeked of the nasty stuff he'd just had all but shoved down his throat. Vegeta was hiccupping and singing a rousing chorus of, "Nobody knows (hic) the trouble I've seen… (hic) the trouuuublee…. I've seeeeeen…"

Proud of himself, Gohan managed to drag Vegeta back to the fountain, and whipped out his cell phone to call his mother. Vegeta continued to sing, totally bombed, and managed to fall into the fountain within a good thirty seconds.

----------- Later ----------

As they dragged Vegeta, Trunks (who was still semi-hyper) Goku, and Goten towards their vehicles, Chi-Chi and Bulma were busy screaming bloody murder at their kin, ranting and raving about anything they could think of, even the irrelevant. Tossing Vegeta and Trunks into the car with her newfound superhuman strength, Bulma sighed as Vegeta resumed lecturing her on the human body and why it was inferior.

"Well, he's ALMOST back to normal… I suppose… whatever normal is… I dunno." Shrugging in unison, the two women hopped into their vehicles and drove home, Bulma beginning to feel a little bit….odd…..

Later that evening, Vegeta woke up to find himself chained to the bed. 'Okay, I'm chained to the be- WAIT!' "WHAAAA?!"

Bulma was happily sitting atop him in what must have been the most skimpy outfit ever created by man, monster, or anything inbetween. She was grinning devilishly, and reached down to tickle Vegeta's face with a feather.

"Get ready, baby, 'cause here I come!"

And so the fun began.

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Sorry for the short chapter, folks.. I just wanted to get the mall thing over with and get into a new mood swing – Bulma being horny! YAY! ….Be afraid.


	10. Teeny Weeny Outfits and Death Shoes

Chapter Ten: Teeny Weeny Outfits and Death Shoes

A/N: I bet you all thought I was dead. NOT! Here you go, after much, much time. Sorry, everyone!

--------------------------------------------------

And the fun continued, for some time.

Two weeks went by and saw Vegeta hiding in the upstairs closet. He slowly rocked forward and back, mumbling as quietly as he could in his lingering stupor.

"Can't sleep, Bulma will get me… Can't sleep… Bulma will… get me…"

He knew deep in his heart that his attitude was shameful and unworthy of a Saiyan, but with the things he'd had to do, the things he'd seen… he didn't care. He'd been broken by a human, and that was bad enough, but now; a worse problem has presented itself. A problem demeaning, horrifying, and degrading. An issue to end all issues. It wasn't that he hadn't enjoyed the hours upon hours of mindless, droning sex. Hardly!

As Vegeta stared blankly into the inky darkness of the bedroom closet, he racked his brain in an attempt to figure out what to do. There were pills for this sort of problem, he knew, but he knew that pills were for weaklings. He arched a brow as he recalled another method, something about a pump… Shaking his head to clear that thought, Vegeta leaned forward slowly, trying to be as quiet as he could to peer through the tiny keyhole of the door. Just as he had leaned close enough to be able to see a decent view of the entire room, he heard a shuffling sound from the other side of the door.

His breath hitched in his throat, and suddenly, the smell of lavender wafted through the keyhole. His stomach churned and he nearly gagged, but did not move. To move now would give away his position, and that would be a waste of all his training. He knew he was no ninja, but he also knew that she was no bloodhound. She would never find him here; not in a million years.

Except suddenly, a wide blue eye appeared, just inches from his, on the other side of the door. Vegeta gulped and jumped backwards, knocking his head on the wall and nearly through it. From above him, dozens of shoes tumbled from a shelf, pelting him in a rain of leather and heels until he sat nearly buried.

He had been found, and now he was going to have to face the wrath of the sex-crazed Bulma.

The wrath, he knew, would be upon him when she found out what his little problem was.

The closet door swung open, and there stood Bulma, in an outfit so skimpy, tiny, and revealing that there are no actual words to describe it. Her stomach, however, thanks to pregnancy, pushed it out in front, making her look rather like a flat-chested teenage boy in a lacy bustier.

Vegeta's stomach rolled again, and he snatched at one of the pointier high-heeled shoes, making ready to throw it, and instead began waving it at her frantically in hopes that she wouldn't come closer. Her eyes narrowed, and in one swift swipe, she grabbed the shoe from his hand and tossed it over her shoulder.

"Nice try. You're too easy. Now, come out of there, we have… things… to do."

When Vegeta glared at her like a child who hasn't gotten his way, and made no move to come out, Bulma's lip curled into a smirk.

"You've got to come out of the closet sometime, Veggie. "

Vegeta arched a brow, knowing he'd heard that phrase somewhere. The source eluded him, though, and he shrugged it off. The only thing he could think of was to stick his tongue out at her, fold his arms, and lean back against the wall of the closet.

Bulma's smirk turned into a scowl, and she folded her own arms and tapped her feet impatiently. For a moment, Vegeta could have sworn her eyes turned red again. He'd noticed that lately her temper had become worse, almost frightening. Somewhere, deep down, common sense screamed at him not to anger her, but pride, being bigger and more puffy, yelled louder. Vegeta reached for the handle of the closet and pulled it closed, then harrumphed in the darkness.

Suddenly, it seemed to get colder.

Suddenly, he could hear a faint grinding noise. Vaguely, Vegeta realized that it was Bulma grinding her teeth and cracking her knuckles.

"Fine. Two can play at that game. "

After a moment, he heard her footsteps going away. He took a deep breath, and released it in a deep sigh of relief. He'd just barely managed to elude her wrath. She was angry, he knew, but he had two up on her: she still didn't know his secret problem, and she wasn't brave enough to try anything against him. A sly little grin pulled at his lips, and he puffed up just a little, satisfied with himself.

Suddenly, though, he heard a whistling noise, and a few inches from his head, the sharp stiletto came crashing through the closet door and slammed into the wall. Vegeta noted that he would have to change his pants when he did leave the closet, and, after a moment, leaned slowly to one side to peer out the new hole in the door. It didn't seem like she was there to throw any more death shoes at him, so he leaned back again, ready to continue looking for a solution. Why did that shoe provoke thought all of the sudden…?

Realization suddenly flooded his mind in a high, grating, lispy voice, and he flailed his arms and yowled through the hole, "I AM NOT GAY!"

Distantly, he heard, "Yeah, and that's why you're not too keen on the whole 'women' thing anymore, huh?!"

Vegeta, seething, balled his fists and clenched his teeth. He would show her. He would prove to her that he was far from 'gay'. So what if he had worn a pink shirt once?

She just had no idea.

Vegeta made up his mind.

He would go to the doctor, and ask him about these confounded pills.

Vegeta was going to ask about Viagra.

BWAHAHAHAHA. There ya go.


End file.
